So Ive elected not to go to this huge magical festival which is coming up which goes for three days. My partner doesn’t want to go and Im not going without him cos there’ll be no reception all the way out there in the bush and I dont really know the people I’d be staying with. I’d be stuck there and Id miss him…..
I dont really know if its the right choice or not but there you go.
Im listening to dead letter circus lately and its making me feel like a teenager again. It even makes me feel like I have long dark hair.  Makes me feel like me. Gothic. 
My best friend is coming up on friday and I said Id work every day this week but I am thinking I will pull out of saturday because I think I need to be with her. She is so much like me.. I think I just need a night out at a metal bar with her…. I need to be with my people.. I have always felt safe with metal heads, they treat their women with respect..

I had a kind of shocker of an end to my night last night.. Some pigs daring to call themselves men came in and threw a hundred bucks down on the stage and told me to strip off. They were so rude to me, speaking to me like an object, complaining about everything, telling me Id better give them their moneys worth.. I was shaking from a quiet rage, but I calmed down enough to dance for this one big fat guy, Vinnie.. He was revolting and his friends were callous and mean and probs on a shitload of coke.. I kind of went into a trance.. I felt so violated. Id bend over and they all had their faces up to my naked ass, like 4 or 5 people, it was so horrible and i knew my boundaries were being violated but i didnt know what to do. i couldnt really think, i felt very far away..

Tonight will be much better. I am going to try and soften up with the girls because I feel very hard hearted. I will switch once Im at work. I will become that happy girl again.. brimming with energy and love.. Synthetic love, I will do it. I will be safe and wonderful tonight..
And keep my dark heart to mySelf.

xxxx

peace